"Give me your Press badge! "
"No way. You're not my dad! "
"Then I shall take it by force! "
"Oh... he's my brother!"
"So shall make out with her. "
So your name is Dan
Yes Dan Quinn. Like on the resume.
Dan Quinn, born in 1990. Didn't think that was possible.
Yes, 1990. People are born every year.
What do you hope to get out from being in the Mailroom, Dan?
I guess I hope to get out of 'being' in the Mailroom.
You got 'Saz'. I like it.
Guess what? You're hired.
I'm Lemuel Gulliver. Welcome to the team!
I was hired yesterday by the HR.
What? -"Doggie wants a bone".
Floor 30. This is the Editor's floor. -We're at the epicenter, my friend.
Feel it! Feel it! -Ok.
Oh, we've got a little something for you.
Oh, damn it! Sorry about that! Listen, I will try clean that. Sorry!
Sorry about that. 'Bye.
Just wait a minute. -Huh?
One second.
It's your mail, sir.
Hey, you're Herald Jones, right? -Yes.
I love your piece on "the failures and dreams of the markets".
Thanks very much. Look forward to seeing you around.
And you've been an inspiration to all the readers.
Dan, what are you doing? You CAN'T talk to those guys!
Why not? -Because, okay...
...this is your first day. We're the Mailroom guys.
Mailroom guys are meant to be seen and not heard.
And ideally, not even seen!
We are not at their level. We are little people.
You know what it is? I think you're just scared talk to them.
I'm not! Listen, I'm just respectful of their workspace.
I talk with these people all the time...
Thanks, I'll let you know once I made a decision, Nigel.
Thanks you. -Thank you.
Good day, fellas! -Good day mate!
Gulliver! Got any mail for me?
Yeah .. No. Maybe. Let me check.
Hi, I'm Dan... from the Mailroom. -Darcy.
I will do whatever it takes to "not" be from the Mailroom.
Doesn't really need to bother her right now, she's busy.
You're not really bothering me. I love every reason to procrastinate.
Yes, me too. You're not bugging me.
Right, oh, wow...
I'll see you guys later. -Ok, good to see you!
Let's go!
So, how long did you have that debilitating crush on the 'travel letter'?
Crush on Darcy? No way, dude.
Ok, first of all, you're a terrible liar.
Second of all, Why didn't you just ask her out?
Oh, you don't think that I'm gonna ask her out? -No.
Dude, I'm gonna ask her out "whenever" or "wherever"...
... no problem, It just take me 5 seconds.
"Will you go out with me?" "Yes"... done!
I'm not going out with Darcy Silverman.
We're "boyfriend, girlfriend" "You know Gulliver and Darcy?"
"Yes, they're the cutest couple ever!" -Ok, so...
...really do it!
The next time I see her, I will!
Hold on!
"Hi, again. "Oh, hi, Darcy!
I just remembered... I get claustrophobia in elevators.
How is your day going? -Really good.
It's going really good.
What are you doing this weekend? -So much... that I've just got to do a...
...bunch of stuff. -Cool. -Yeah, it's cool!
Have a good one! -You too!
Wait! I forgot something. -Yeah, me too.
Gul.
Yeah? -Yeaaah!
You chickened out, didn't you?
Listen... I just... you know.... I didn't chicken out.
You're being respectful of her workspace. -Exactly.
Dude, speaking of which, after work, do you want to go for a couple of brews...
...shoot some pools, maybe a little man date, huh?
I don't think so. Especially if it's called a 'man date', sir...
I got you! You want a 'rain cheque'.
You want to wake up all 'bright-eyed' and 'bushy-tailed' for the boss.
You are not my boss anymore. -What're you talkin' about?
I just got promoted.
It's impossible! You just got here.
Yeah, they promoted me to the 'head' of the Mailroom.
So, I'm your boss now.
Look, Gulliver, the reason you didn't ask her out...
...and you never will, is the same reason you're not going to leave the Mailroom.
You've been here like ten years, man.
You know, you ...
You peaked.
When you talk the big game, and that could be fun ...sometimes.
And you're pretty funny around the office...
...but that's all you are. just 'talk'.
So, you might as well face it. You're never really going to get any bigger than this.
These talks is... the worst part of being a boss.
Anyway, be in tomorrow at 7am. We're gonna sort of change things up and...
...let's start with playing the guitar during working hours.
Good night, Darcy! See ya!
Gulliver?
Hi. Hi.
Can I help you? -Yeah, I. ..
Well, I wanted to see if ...
you wanted to...
You seem a little nervous. Are you alright?
I'm fine. I'm just... I've got so much going on...
I wanted to pick this up, and then I was on my way.
You want to apply for a 'travel writing summit'?
Yup, exactly.
I had no idea you wrote, or travel.
I do, I travel a lot. I go to New Zealand...
...been to Mexico, "me-hee-kaw" as they called it, the locals.
Africa, the Congo...
...which I know is in Africa because I 'travel' and 'write'.
So, this is kind of like what I want to do.
Why don't you bring in a writing sample tomorrow morning and I'll see what I can do.
Perfect.
Okay.
Hey, Gulliver!
Nice job putting yourself up for it.
Yeah, cool. Okay, bye-bye. -Bye-bye!
Gulliver's Travels
Jesus! I meant to ask her out...
Now she's expecting a writing sample? What was I thinking?!!!
I saw some things in different lands
I got to write this thing!
No, I've got nothing.
Oaxaca, MEXICO
Wow! I'm so impressed, Gulliver. I had no idea that you're such a good writer.
Well, I tried to keep it a secret...
I don't like to brag about my more literarian side.
These samples are terrific, and you exhibit such variety.
I mean, this one about Oaxaca feels really classic.
Like it's straight out of 'Frommer's'...
...where a description of Barcelona is all sassy!
It's like I'm reading 'Time Out'!
I think I've the perfect fluff piece to start you off with!
There's a guy down in Bermuda who claims he has the secret to the Bermuda Triangle.
He's either crazy or he's trying to build...
But I figure it could be a fun way in...
...to explore Bermuda and the small islands around it, you know.
You have boat experience, don't you?
I'm... I'm a... I'm a 'boat' man.
Okay, good, 'cos...
I've to be honest with you... It's hard for me to find someone to do this.
You have to be at sea for 3 weeks, completely off the grid.
That's okay with you, right?
Good, 'cos I thought I was going to have to do it and...
...I do get 'super' sea sick.
Crazy!. -Yeah.
What do you say? Not a big story...
...but it's a start.
Okay, so the Bermuda Triangle, huh?.
And everything I need to know is in here? -It is. Your contact has been arranged.
And there's a boat waiting for you.
Yeah!
Oh, hey! That's me!
Precious cargo!. No! No! Hoo... Ok!
That was close.
All the chickens get off the road, man!.
I don't know about this, Hank. I mean, are you sure this is safe?
All this Bermuda Triangle talk...
...is just to sell T-shirts to tourists.
It's a good story to pick up some girls.
This is your boat.
"KnotferSail" They really went 'Pun-tastic' on that boat.
Well, the Dock Master's really into pun, man. He believes it keeps the pirates away.
"Ship Happens."
This is 'you'. And that's your 'destination'.
Just follow that 'dot' and you'll find yourself in the 'Triangle'.
In the Bermuda Triangle? -Yeah!
And then to come home, you said, I turn this knob and follow the 'dot' back home?
Yes! -Easy!
Done! -Done!
All right. -I got it.
Fine, fine!
Well ..
It's not moving.
Okay. Where is the clutch?
And as you go out, to the ocean water...
...towards the Bermuda Triangle, there're reflections everywhere.
I should have brought sunglasses.
I'm as hungry as a horse.
I could eat a thousand cheeseburgers.
Okay, 'quitting' time.
Yeah!
How to build your own robot.
That's going to happen!
Darcy.
Cheeseburger.
Darcy.
Cheeseburger.
Safety! Okay.
Rubber ducky. No! Floaties!
For the legs, for the arms...
...for the head!
I am safe!
911! Gotcha! Oh, no!
I'm paralyzed from the neck down.
What is that crawling on me?
No, no, not fire ants! Please don't be... fire ants.
I am General Edward Edwardian, Commander of Lilliput.
All hail, Liliput! All hail Liliput!
"You are herewith charged with aiding our sworn enemy, the Blefuscu!"
"You are our prisoner and shall be presented to our Royal Highness...
...King Theodore! What say you, Beast?!!
You are not real! Where am I? Where am I?
I'm dreaming. I'm going to close my eyes...
...and then I'm going to open them and I'll be home in bed.
Okay! Okay!.
My spear.
Bring the Beast down!
Alright, boys! Release the hookers!
Pull! Pull!
Pull! -That's not cool!
Hey! That's my pants. That's not funny!
Unlucky!
Pull!
Lift!
Rest!
This Giant is hereby declared to be brought to His Majesty, King Theodore!
All hail King Theodore! All hail King Theodore!
I wanted a bracelet...
...not a great, big hairy Beast!
Oh, dear... are these strings really necessary?
They are... My innocent, naive, little 'Bunny tail'.
To prevent the giant Beast from running rampant and killing us all!
What is this thing? -A Blefuscian spy.
I am not a 'Blefuscian'. I don't even know what that is.
Someone please, just tell me where I am?
You're in Lilliput! -Liliput?
The grandest and greatest land in all the world!
All hail Lilliput! All hail Lilliput!
This is insane!
Okay, enough!
Come out with the funny cameras!
Mealtime, Beast!
Hay? I can't eat hay!
Eat up! You've a busy day ahead of you, Beast!
Enough with the 'Beast' thing!
I may be a giant but I have feelings!!!
I think that you will find that the hay is...
...a bit more digestible if mixed with some sewer water.
I am sorry my countrymen called you a 'Beast'.
I do not think of you as a 'Beast'. As a matter of fact...
...before you arrived, I was the tallest man in the Lilliput.
So, I know how you feel. -Thanks, man.
I can't reach you for a handshake. I am Gulliver.
Horatio.
You guys are so tiny.
Are you the only prisoner in the whole dungeon?
Yes, I've been placed in this prison by the great and glorious general Edward Edwardian...
...for sending an illicit letter to his betrothed...
...Princess Mary.
That's it? He put you in prison for hitting on his lady?
Dude, that is harsh!
No, no, no, you must understand that I am of a lowly station.
To legally court a woman of her stature...
...one must commit a valued action...
...which is virtually impossible as a commoner.
Come on, don't be so hard on yourself. You seem like a cool guy.
You can do something valiant!
Gen. Edward has led countless crusades...
and is known far and wide for his bravery.
I'm no Gen. Edward.
Well ..
No offense, but this Edward guy, seems like kind of a lame-ass.
A lame what?
It's my impression that 'lame-ass'...
...is a negative expression from whence you came.
If this is the case, you should be thrown into stocks!
No, no!
"Lame-ass" means, 'great, brave...
...courageous, heart of a lion' man.
Is this the honorable truth? Yes, this is the honorable truth.
Then, I'm not just a 'lame-ass'.
No.
I'm a big 'lame-ass'! -The biggest!
I, General Edward Edwardian, I'm the biggest 'lame-ass' in all of the land!
Heart of the lion!
So, listen... now you know that we're cool...
What do say if you loosen up these shackles a bit?
No. It's time for your life of hard labor to begin.
Left
Right
Left
Right
Left
Their Defense System is operational.
We must move in stealthily.
Left
Did I tell you to stop fanning, peasant?!! -Sorry.
They would be too busy with the fire to protect their Princess.
Fire! Fire is 2 bells. There was 3.
It is an attack!
There were more than 2 bells and a pause, then a third bell.
So, there is an attack and a fire?
The Blefuscians! -The Princess!
To the Castle, Beast!
Left, right!
Faster, Beast!
Oh, no! The Blefuscians!
Do not kidnap me! Please do not kidnap me!
Why is she standing there?
First, she's going to get kidnapped and... -You speak not of the Princess!
Down!
I shall save you, my Princess!
'My Princess'.
Dude, I can help!
We do not need your help, Beast.
You just stay here!
Nobody save the Princess!
He'll never get to her in time!
Please, you must save the Princess!
Yeah, but you heard that angry little dingleberry, he said I shouldn't!
I beg of you!
It's too late. -You're kidnapped!
I am kidnapped! -Not on my watch!
Hop on, Princess. Let's get you out of here.
Fear not, darling! I am here to save you!
Where did she go?
Oh... She has been kidnapped.
Here you go, Princess. -Thank you so much!
Are you okay? -Yes.
Thank God.
The Blefuscians have retreated. -We ought to have a victory feast!
Terrific!
The fire has raised out of control. -My father is trapped!
You guys got to invest in a more efficient warning system!
Your Highness!
Out of the way! I've gotta put out the fire!
Out of the way... Coming through!
The Beast!
Yeoow! I've gotta say that was hot!!!
Princess, no!
Princess... no... you mustn't! -Father! He's burning!
You have served me with great honor!
We need access to a great deal of water! -Do something!
I do not want to do this.
You have a plan?! -I have a plan but you're not going to like it.
Don't look.
Seize Beast!
It's working!
Yes it is working!
Out of the way!
How dare you evacuate yourself on our great and glorious...
Oh no... Oh no. Sorry about that smell.
I have been drinking sewer water. -This is ground for execution!
I know that was pretty gross. Let me pull up my trousers.
Father! Father!
You look glorious!
Thank you my dear.
Our Savior, the Beast!
Beast! Beast! Beast! Beast! Beast! Beast!
Hey, guys... It was nothing, really.
I saw a fire, I had some water and released flood on 'I-O-2' (Instant-On Input-Output).
Is that translated?
You got the joke here? 'Flood on I-O-2'?
Ok, Thanks to you guys.
The King requests the honor of your company at the banquet this evening...
Do you accept? -Yeah, on one condition.
You free my friend Horatio, and allow me to bring him as my 'Plus One'.
He was jailed for 'unlawful' courting. He must return...
That's my condish!
One moment, if you will.
Why are you doing this for me?
Because you are my buddy. I'm not going to this thing without you.
I'm not going to know anybody there. You have to come!
Shhh... Play it cool.
The King requests the honor of your...
...and Horatio's company at the Royal banquet this evening.
Do you accept? -Yes indeed.
I can make it. -Oh, God...
My God! I'm forever indebted to you.
It's not necessary. Instead, let's just do this.
What is that? -You pound it... with your fist.
Come on, don't let me hangin'.
Yeah! Now, let's go P-A-R-T-Y... Yeaaaah!
Will not somebody ... I'll eat everything.
So, since you are not from Blefuscia, where are you from?
Beast?
Once again, totally cool to be just called Gulliver.
Some people believe that you've come from the island that we dare not go.
Is there any truth to this rumor?
No. Where is "The island that we dare not go"?
There, beyond the fog bank.
Nuh, I didn't come from the fog bank. I'm from the island of Manhattan.
Between the islands of Staten and Long.
This island of Manhattan? What sort of 'Kingdom' is it?
I'm not from a 'Kingdom'. I'm actually from a democracy.
You see, we elect a president every 4 years.
You're so honorable and courageous.
Were you the President? -Of course he was, Mother!
Look at him. He's the most powerful gentleman in all the land.
So sorry mother embarrassed you.
No, no, it's a common mistake to not think I was President.
Are you a victorious President?
Oh, yeah, pretty victorious
Noble as well? Yeah, I was eh...
... Super noble.
I was actually known as 'President the Awesome'.
'President the Awesome'.
Pretty unlikely title.
When do you return home, noble and awesome Gulliver?
Pretty soon, I suppose, yes?
I should imagine they're falling apart without you.
Their 'greatest' hero.
Well, without my boat... looks like I'm stuck here.
Don't worry, my army will find your boat.
At the meantime, I'm sure we could find you a suitable accommodation.
You mean... some hay to sleep on?
Anything. -Anything?
We have the finest builders in all the land. We can build you anything.
Seriously, We are ridiculously good builders.
And we are your servants, Awesome Gulliver.
I don't want to take advantage, but...
Day 7 of my stay here in Lliliput.
At first, me and the little guys get off on the wrong foot
but it turns out that they are a pretty solid group of dudes.
They are building me a temporary place to live.
They threw me an awesome party just to release in myself.
And the King sent out a search party to find my boat.
At the meantime, I'm 'worthing' it.
Hmmm, That is a good cup of joe.
Good morning. Good morning, Gulliver.
Top of the morning to you, fellas.
Gulliver Your media room is ready.
Obi-Wan did I tell you what happened to your father?
You told me enough. You told me you killed him!
No, Gulliver! I am your father!
No way.
This is an impossibility! -Yet somehow it seems completely inevitable.
Gulliver, you truly have lived a thousand lives.
King Theodore, it's time to perform our bi-weekly military exercise!
Just one moment. We're watching the stories of Gulliver's life.
Sir, we've not missed a military exercise over 300 years.
Dude! -Get out of the way! We can not see the screen.
The Titanic is sinking!
But it was made to be unsinkable.
"I love you, Gulliver. -No, no, don't do that."
"You're going to make lots of babies and die on a warm bed at a very old age."
"God."
"I'm the king of the world!"
Wait.
I'm sorry.
You mean to say that you actually died in the ship wreck?
Yes. I died. -That's what you're telling us?
You actually died? -Yeah, but I was resuscitated.
It's preposterous! -But then, I survived!
That's ridiculous!
Well, you have to see the scene... -Well, okay now. It's silly!
Silly, silly stories!
Let me get this straight.
After you were brought back to life as an avatar.
That's when you met your Princess Darcy Silverman, Manhattan.
Yeah, I can't wait to get back to her.
I noticed you had a little eye-contact with the Princess.
How's it going? -Good, yeah, I think if things go well...
...within 2 to 4 years she may then speak to me.
Wow... wo... wo... Hold your horses. -Thank God.
You can't woo a lady by hoping that 'then' she'll speak to you.
To land a Princess, you got to employ some 'grey day cortash'.
Could you teach me?
This... this 'Cortage' that you speak.
Yeah, I can teach you some of my moves.
Yes! Thank you. -If you beat me back home!
On your mark, get set, go! -I'm not ready to race you!
Princess! Oh, Princess!
Wherefore art thou, Princess?
Hello, who calls?
It's I, Horatio!
Why are you so far away? I don't want to invoke the ire of thy father.
But I must be honest.
"And tell ye ... -And tell ye ...
Tell me what, Horatio?
"You don't have to be rich to be my girl."
"Say it!"
You don't have to be rich to be my girl.
"You don't have to be cool to rule my world."
Horatio, these 'passion' words can get us into trouble.
"There is no particular sign that I'm more compatible with."
There is no particular sign...
...that I'm more compatible with.
"I just want your extra time and your....
...kiss."
...kiss.
Oh, what beauty emanates from your lips!
"I think I'm gonna dance now."
I think I better dance now!
D-dance now! Feel it.
Put the mustard on, baby. Yes, feel, move the hips.
I don't think it is working.
You are not dancing good.
Shake.
I've never been wooed with such unique passion.
It's working.
Did I tell you? Yes!
I hear someone coming. 'Til tomorrow.
It worked!
Let's go!
To whom were you speaking, my Darling?
No one. Me ... I...
...was speaking to me, myself.
What are you doing In my chambers?
I have come to court you.
As I always do at this time of the day.
Or have you already forgotten who is your one true, eternal love?
No, of course, I remember.
Remember what?
That... that you are my one, true eternal love.
It's just that I was talking with the Giant and lost track of time.
I trust not this Beast.
He seems trustworthy to me. He is very nice.
You've done sewing? -Sewing, yes...
...embroidery. It's my Grandmother's doily.
I captured a hawk today. -Did you?
He laid on the field, I came behind him and catch him with my bare hand.
This is impressive also.
Oh... fun!
Fun courtship, you and I have.
It is over, now. Must go!
Those villagers shan't pillage themselves.
We must alert General Edwards of this at once!
We found it.
I hear you Ring-A-Ling-A-Ding-Dong.
How is it going? -Hello, Beast.
I come bearing the most terrific news!
Yeah, really? -We have discovered your ship!
The "KnotferSail". Clever name!
You did it. You found my boat!
I'm actually going home.
Hey, you guys can fix this thing, right?
Of course you can, you incredibly awesome builders!
Yes!
Darcy is about to read the best article ever.
Talking 'Pulitzer', huh?
Slide to unlock.
What're you guys doing?
It's that my phone? Yeah, it's A-lookin'.
No signal but I have 12 messages, Mr. Popularity.
Hey, Gulliver it's me. It's Darcy.
You know I just realized why I felt your writing came straight out of Frommer's...
because it does! Call me as soon as you get this.
Sergeant, what is he doing?
He's checking his 'voicemail', General Edward.
Very good. What is 'voicemail'?
Hey, Lemuel, it's Darcy. I've totally forgiven you.
Wait, no I haven't! 'Coz now I have get seasick on a boat...
...to cover your butt. Thanks for this.
And If you can't tell, then thanks for sarcastic.
Darcy again.
I can't believe you lied to me. I trusted you.
Wherever you're hiding. Stay there. I never want to hear from you again!
Mr. Beast, I've instructed our builders to work day and night...
...to ensure that you are sea-worthy by week's end.
Isn't that the most fantastic news you've ever received in your life?
Great...
I can't tell you how happy I am...
...for you.
Why do you look so forlorn, noble protector?
Me? Forlorn, no way.
You do look quite forlorn.
Just for the record, what does 'forlorn' means again? Is it like sad?
Basically, just a bit more dramatic sounding.
Oh, well, in that case, I guess I'm a little 'forlorn'.
Oh, Gulliver, you miss your Princess.
Well...
The truth is we are not super close.
Oh, Gulliver ...
She's kind of mad at me right now.
I am forlorn as well.
I don't know what to do.
I think I'm in love with Horatio.
But that's great. Don't be forlorn about that.
Most people spend their whole lives looking for that and they don't find it.
Go for it!
Follow your heart! -But my heart is promised to General Edward.
And I can not break that vow. He will lose honor...
...and respect, and he'll die of heartbreak.
Okay, look, he's just being melodramatic.
Is he? -Yeah.
Gulliver, I will miss you so much. -I'm going to miss you too.
Maybe I should stay.
Don't you miss your subjects? And the White House?
And the Millennium Falcon?
Yeah, but vice president can run things without me for a while.
You think the king would mind If I stuck around for a bit?
Of course not, Gulliver. You've made everyone here so happy.
I can't imagine anyone in Lilliput not wanting you to stay...
...as long as possible.
Noble and valiant King Theodore
I trusteth not this Beast Gulliver who liveth in our midst.
He can now leaveth, but he chooses to stay.
And furthermore, I do not believeth who he saith he isth.
I mosteth humbly disagreeth.
And whyeth must we always go on with these 'Fs'?
Because we speak officiallyeth?
Forget it, from now on, even when speaking officially...
...we must get rid of these 'Fs'.
Official speaking is an illustrious Lilliputian tradition!
Woh....'Inside-castle-voice' please.
Forgive meeth.
Forgive me.
You know I think this job's beginning to stress you out.
Maybe a little 'Time-off' will be the thing.
Who else could run your army?
Our new General, Gulliver!
I won't let you down, King.
And I look forward to working with you, Vice-General Edward.
Vice General?
Vice. I've never been a "Vice" of anything.
I can't be expected to take orders from that gigantic fool!
I rather take orders from a woman. You are relieved.
Thank you Vice-General Edward.
Alright, Gulliver, protect against this!
They have turned off their defence system. Alert the king!
And prepare the Armada.
Oh, no. Our defence system has failed.
We shall never reach our ships on time.
Careful now. Mind yourselves.
Oh what a mess.
They are defenseless.
Ceasefire and ready the troops!
Gulliver! The Blefuscians attacked.
Are you sure? -Yes!
Please! We need you. You are our General.
Good Lord!
It's the entire Blefuscian Armada! -I know.
Finally! Our General has arrived.
What's going on? I heard the bells.
As our 'mighty' General, you must lead the army...
...to save Lilliput and vanquish the entire Blefuscian Armada.
You want me to vanquish all of them?
Yes, please. Everyone last one of them.
Yeah, fine. -Thank you, fair Gulliver!
Okay. Here we go.
Time to vanquish.
It's cold.
No problem. You're going down.
Why have we stop? -It's him!
Hey, dudes.
I am Gulliver. I come in peace.
Listen, They want me to vanquish you guys.
I don't want to vanquish anybody and you don't want to be vanquished.
Let's just pretend, okay?
I'll go crazy, you act all scared, and...
Just follow my lead, alright? Sell it!
Turn the ships! Sound the alarm!
This truly is the battle of the ages! -It truly is!
I'll just tell them you're too swift or whatever ... How come you all turned around?
Fire!
Oh no! That looks painful!
I am invincible.
Yes! Go on, Gulliver!
Well done! Excellent!
Well done, you big fat pig.
Pound it.
Well done, Gulliver!
This is glorious!
Goal!
Alright!
Yeah! Guys, this is what I'm talking about!
Look at that! The Billboards and the lights.
Home sweet home. What can I say?
Okay, can you guys send over a division to my left shoulder, please?
North 2 clicks.
One click.
Oh, yeah! That's the spot!
A little off the top. Don't go crazy.
And don't shave off my sideburns. I need those monkey chaffs.
Can I double the bet with you because I was playing and singing.
You did good though. Let's try again from the top!
One second, please. Pause game. -Pause game.
I was just thinking.
You are the General of Lilliput now. Shouldn't you be training the army?
What if Blefuscian should attack again?
Oh, man, no one's going to attack. Not while I'm around.
I'm one-man wrecking crew.
If you want to worry about something...
You should worry about how you haven't made a move on the Princess yet.
You're in danger of falling in the 'Friendship Lagoon'.
What? Yeah, 'Friendship Lagoon'.
It blows. You'll gonna be like: "Oh yeah, We're friends, that's great, I'm cool with that."
And you won't be cool with that! And it kills you inside!
No, never.
Yeah, man! You got to 'man-up' and be direct.
Next time you see her Just tell her: "What's up?".
"Hey, what's up sexy? I hope it's not too forward but I find you incredibly sexy. "
"I never told you before, but I'm really into you."
"But I'm also into a lot of things. So don't get too excited."
"There're a lot of things going on. I like you to be one of them."
See the way I mixed it up? I want you, but not that much.
You try it! Okay, show which face?
Dude, you know, if the face comes to you but make it look natural.
Don't make it a forced face. I just have, you know, one of those faces that just happen naturally.
My hands are sweating. -Go!
Well, hello, fine maiden with the wide...
...child-bearing hips.
Yikes, you don't want to talk about "wide child-bearing hips."
It's a good instinct. You're getting there. But this time more smooth and sexy.
No "big hips"? --No "big hips".
I've got it.
Well, hello there, slim.
I ought to call you Portamus
because you've got no hip.
Do we have to be here for this?
Take five. Save game.
Forget about the hips. Here's what you've got to do.
What are you doing In my chambers?
I have come to court you. as I always do at this time of the day.
This is not the time of day for courting. You cannot just barge in.
I can court you when I wish to court you.
I'm not in the mood to be courted. I have a headache.
It's your womanly duty.
Section 4.2 of the Official Courting Doctrine.
Edward!
I'm unsure about things between us.
It be not you. It be me but I'm very unsure.
That maketh no sense.
We ought to be married. You are to be my bride.
We are not in love. We're not in love.
Who do you love about me? Name one thing.
Inappropriate, Edward.
Reach for it. -One second!
Okay. Take your time.
I find you...
absolutely... satisfactory.
Edward, that's not enough to say that someone is average, or adequate or moderate.
I want to be loved for who I am!
There's an awful lot going on up here.
Is there? -Now you're being cruel.
And frankly, melodramatic. And acting like a complete baby!
You are acting like a little Princess! -I am a Princess!
Maybe I should act like a Princess.
Gulliver was so right about you! -Why don't we all just listen to the Beast!
Don't call him that! -He's a big ugly Beast
And you should know better! -Get out!
You can't break our engagement! It's a fate worse than death.
Get out!
You'll be sorry you ever crossed General Edward!
Get your Gulliver T-shirt!
You sir! Get your Gulliver T-shirt!
What do you want?
This Beast has transformed Lilliput...
...into his own sordid and rotten little kingdom!
And he will do the same to your land if we do not stop him.
To save Lilliput, I must first destroy it.
How do you suggest we complete such a dangerous task?
Alright! Welcome to the first ever Lilipaloosa!
Let's get this party started with a little gem I wrote!
Right?
So what are you up to tomorrow? -Tomorrow?
Yes. -I'm just hanging, you know.
Would you care to attend the Ball of the Moonlight with me?
Oh, the Ball! The Ball's tomorrow!
Right. Maybe.
Why are you acting like this?
Acting like what? -Why are you being so strange?
I am a gentleman merchant about town, and I have got to keep my options open.
Do you?
That's what I've been told. -Well, I'm not an 'option'.
I'm a lady. -I know you are. And I love ladies.
I'm sorry...
Five bells.
What does five bells mean? -There've never been 5 bells!
Don't worry about it.
'Coz this guy throws down no matter how many bells they're ringin'.
Don't freak, little peeps. This one's on me.
You gotta be kidding me. This is 5 bells?
Ha... it's cute!
Edward, you traitor! How dare you forsake your lilliputian brothers?
I only forsoken for I was forsoken!
'Forsoking' ends now.
I challenge you to a duel!
Cool. Whatever.
Do you accept? -Oh... Yeah!
Yeah, I accept your duel.
Good. -Make a move.
Wow! You are hard.
Okay, just stretching up. It is a good thing to do before the duel.
You brought this on yourself, Beast.
Do you surrender, Beast?
Sure, yeah, whatever!
No, no, no...Say it properly, Say it, you surrender!
Say it! Say it! Say!
I surrender!
You win. Release my butt.
You can not surrender. You are our most glorious protector!
You are 'President The Awesome'!
You and Captain Sparrow defeated The Joker and Magneto.
And you and Jack Bauer had only 24 hours to do it.
I didn't do any of that stuff.
I'm just the guy from the mailroom.
But you gave us your word! -I'm sorry.
I lied.
I knew it!
I hereby banish this Beast to the island where we dare not go!
Never to return to Lilliput again!
Take your positions!
Please Gulliver!
Hey, is this 'Island that we dare not go' really as bad as they say?
It's delightful!
Okay, no little people anywhere. It's a good sign.
Hello! Is anybody here?!
No way!
Raise the flag!
Can I not walk alone in my own garden?
Go away!
Princess.
I've secured a boat. We can leave tonight.
No, Horatio.
But Edward's going to force you to marry him.
I don't have any choice.
Please, please...
Yes, of course you have a choice.
You made that choice for me. -You don't understand.
Gulliver told me... -Everything Gulliver said was a lie.
Including you.
Oh, I'm paralysed from the waist down. What's that crawling on me?
Not fire ants. Oh please don't be fire ants.
Am General Edward Edwardian. Commander of the new Blefuscia.
All hail Blefuscia!
-I must warn Gulliver!
State your name, She-Beast.
Darcy Silverman. -Of Manhattan?
Ahhhhhh...!
Noooo......!
I'm not doing this.
You got me in the diapers and dress. I'm not doing tea-time with you.
Go find another doll!
Tea-time... time for tea!
Okay, we're kissing. Ohhh....
Gentle-r! Just hold hands, will you?
What's up? What kind of toy are you?
Top Gun, G.I Joe?
Cool detail.
Gulliver! Gulliver!
Down here!
What are you doing here?
Gulliver, you must return to Lilliput at once!
Forget it, man, it's a No-Go. -No! you don't understand! Edward ...
Doesn't matter.
I may be a hundred feet tall, but I'm not half the size of...
...one of you little guys. -You've got to listen to me, this is important!
No. This is where I belong.
As a giant girl's babydoll.
Hey! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and listen!
Blefucian has taken over Lilliput and Edward,...
...has captured Darcy Silverman of Manhattan.
What?
She's... Darcy's here? -Yeah!
Oh no! She said she was going to do the assignment herself.
She's here because of me. -It's all because of you.
How could you lie to us?
I was afraid to tell you guys the truth.
Because it was just so great being a Big shot for the first time in my life.
I didn't want it to end.
Snap out of it, man. You think of yourself as this small little thing.
But that's not how I see you.
Think about what've done already. You saved the Princess,...
You single-handedly defeated the entire Blefuscian Armada. Didn't you?
Come on, I'm your best friend.
I wouldn't lie to you. You can do this.
So take off that dress and let's get out of here!
Am I really your best friend?
You're kind of my only friend. -It's great, man. You too for me.
Let's go save Lilliput. -Yeah, let's go do this.
Take me with you!
One second. There we go. -I gotcha.
Okay, officer...
I'm just going to borrow this parachute, if it's okay with you.
You don't need it anymore.
This is insane!
Oh, I'll let you. -Thanks, Horatio. -Good luck!
I got this.
Darcy! Darce!
Gulliver! -Hey! I'm coming over there.
Are you okay? I can't believe you're here.
I mean, of all the places, right?
What's up? -What's up? What's up?
What isn't up? Can you talk about the inverted whirlpool.
Crazy...
And why does everybody calling me a "Princess"?
They don't. I think you misheard.
I see you've returned for your "Princess".
Now, you heard it right there. He just called me your "Princess"?
That's because everybody is a Princess here. I forgot to tell you, It's just this sort of a thing.
If you wish to speak to your one true love more privately...
...we should cover our ears.
"One true love"?
I told them I was your "one true love"?
Is it now a good or bad time to tell you about...
...the crush I've had on you for the last 5 years?
Really?
Yeah. I totally have a crush on you.
That's why you're always wheel in the mail cart around and none of the mail is for me?
Yeah. Hmm...Yeah.
I told everyboby that you're my 'girlfriend'. It's really embarrassing.
I think it's kinda sweet.
Gulliver, we've gotta focus. We've got a book to the podium. We're gonna get the hell out of here.
We are surrounded by little people? -Darcy, listen to me.
I would love to book with you, over to the boat right now. but I can't.
These little people have grown very large in my heart.
They depended on me and I let them down.
I have to do this first.
King...
If it's alright with you, I would like to be your glorious protector again.
I don't know. How are we to believe anything you say, Gulliver?
Because my word is my bond...
...this time, for real.
I promise. -Gulliver.
You work in the mailroom -Not today...
I don't!
Hey, Edward!
If I win, Lilliput returns to her former glory.
And if you lose.
This is what becomes of Lilliput!
Oh, I've made a slight improvement.
Shocking, isn't it?!
Hey, hey that's not fair. He's cheating!
I've got to do something!
Now, do what you do best, Beast, and run off!
No way. Not today.
I've always liked you, Gulliver. I've always thought we had a real 'spark'.
Hang on, Gulliver! I'm on my way!
Gulliver, no!
I'll sizzle ya bit by bit!
It is hot!
Go, Gulliver! -Yes, Gulliver, go!
Take it!
Now that's a Wedgie!
Yeah, Gulliver!
Did you see that?!
I want you to get back to the second grade.
I'm so, so sorry.
I hope you can forgive me for the way I behaved.
You are not an "option".
You're the most beautiful lady of all the land.
And you're also super cool. And a stone-cold fox.
Horatio! Do you realize what you've done?
You have committed a 'Knight of Valiance'.
I hereby give you my permission.
Yeah!
Nobody move. Halt! Stop!
I've kidnapped the Princess. You've been kidnapped, congratulations.
Enough with the kidnappings!
Boosh! Yes!
Listen! I played your eyes all that stuff because I thought you'll never want to go out with the dude in the mailroom.
I'm sorry. That will never happen again.
So...
Prepare for war! -No! You prepare for war.
I have to do one more thing real quick.
Kings! Kings! C'mon guys!
What's it with you and the... executions... and the gallows... and the stocks... and the war?!
Seriously, war?
Why do war? What is it good for?
Absolutely not...
...War!
What is good for?
Absolutely not...
Say it again now... War!
Good God, y'all... What is it good for?
For absolutely nil!
War is the enemy to all mankind
The problems of the world, blows my mind
Life is much too short and precious to spend fighting war these days
The Lord gives me life, He can always take it away!
Good God, y'all! What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Say it again! War!
What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!
Listen to me
Peace, love and understanding
Is there no place for them today?
They say we must fight to keep our freedom
But the Lord knows there's got to be a better way
War
Good God, y'all! What is it good for?!
Say it! War!
What is it good for?!
Stand up and Shout it!
Bravo! Lilliput is free.
Gonna miss Your big friend?
A little. "Yeah?
A lot... -Oh, dear.
How was Papua New Guinea?!
It was hot, sticky ...
...and the most mind-boggling place I have ever seen.
The most mind-boggling place you've ever seen? -Okay, the second most mind-boggling place.
Oops, sorry. -Danny!
Here are your morning mails, Gulliver.
Thank you. Who's your friend?
I'm Mark, just the new guy in the Mailroom.
Oh, just the Mailroom?
Mailroom's 'Whozat', right, Dan?
Yeah, I don't know why he would say that 'coz there's where all the great start, y'know.
Remember, there's no small jobs. Just small people.
Teeny, tiny, teeny little people.
Haven't I told you that? No small jobs, tiny, tiny people.
Can I take you for lunch? Of course you can.
My fair 'Princess'.
DARCY SILVERMAN: Gulliver's Travels
"A voyage to Lilliput"
"A voyage to Brobdingnag" (THE JOURNEY CONTINUES...)
ThE EnD